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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not everyone likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?